EDITOR'S NOTE: Holidays with new or potential in-laws put a strain on relationships, as Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn discover in their new movie,
Four Christmases. A study published in the
Journal of Marriage and Family found that conflicts in extended family relations will erode couple stability, satisfaction and commitment over time.
Special for Diet.com
by Nicholas Aretakis
Author of Ditching Mr. Wrong
Spending the holiday with new in-laws -- or potential in-laws -- is bound to be a minefield of faux pas, etiquette missteps and eggshell moments. If you make an effort to get along with your new in-laws, however, your loved one will love you even more.
Here are 15 tips to help you navigate around the landmines at the next holiday.
1. Don't pull a Ben Stiller.
Avoid calamities à la Ben Stiller in
Meet the Parents, like being so uptight that you go overboard, exaggerating details of your livelihood or how wonderful you are -- details that cannot be substantiated. Just be yourself. When in doubt, look at your lover and remember that he or she picked you for good reasons.
2. Be reserved.
Holidays are emotional times when everyone's worst side comes out -- everyone except you, that is. Be polite, respectful and reserved; don't try to dominate conversations or overshadow your new acquaintances.
3. Dress for success.
Consult your mate. Does the family get dressed up? How dressed up? Ascertain the proper attire, and dress in such as way as to make your in-laws comfortable.
4. Woo them with food.
No matter what their culinary tradition, everyone loves to eat and drink. If you're hosting, make sure guests are well fed and they'll have a good time. If you're a guest, come bearing gifts of food and drink.
5. Mind the menacing mom.
There's no figure quite as frightening as "The Mom." Please her and you're golden. Offend her and you'll have months of groveling ahead -- or years, if she holds a grudge. Best advice: Display respectful, mature, and loving behavior toward her precious child -- the one you're stealing from her! Don't pander to the mom or overly fawn over your loved one.
6. Set up "safety zones."
If you're hosting, set up more than one area so you and others have a chance to move around and escape an obnoxious guest. Create food and appetizer stations in different areas of your house or apartment. If you're a guest, mingle and move about to avoid getting trapped.
7. Bring a functional gift.
Purchase a gift your in-laws will use. Some ideas: a nice bottle of wine (assuming alcohol is not taboo), a bouquet of flowers, chocolates, a cheese-of-the-month subscription, car wash gift certificates, online gift cards or movie theater passes.
8. Name that relative.
Ask your partner to ...
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