Mr. Bad Food
by John McGran, Food columnist

Mr. Bad Food has been highlighting and reviewing the best of the worst foods since 2000. I thought I’d seen it all. But then I saw an Internet posting featuring the Quadruple Bypass Burger offered by the appropriately named Heart Attack Grill in Tempe, Arizona.

For maybe the first time in my writing career, I find myself speechless.

Luckily, the proud owners of the Heart Attack Grill love to brag about their beefy behemoth that features 4 half-pound burgers, 12 slices of bacon, and 4 blankets of cheese.

By one estimate, it packs some 8,000 calories. God only know the true fat count.

I am gonna let the folks at www.heartattackgrill.com cook their own goose. In their own words…

“WE’RE DUMB & PROUD!” the site boasts. Their motto is: “Taste Worth Dying For!”

When you go for the “slow smoked half-pound burgers” you also have the option of adding “flatliner fries, deep-fried in pure lard”, Coco-Cola, Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and filter-free Lucky Strike cigarettes.

Why would a restaurant serve up such an unhealthy menu?

“Ours is a world in which insane political correctness stands as a barrier between the average man and his pursuit of happiness; the Heart Attack Grill offers a well-deserved respite of comfort and simplicity. Pondering ‘Single, Double, or Triple’ and ‘Should I hold the onions?’ are the toughest mental gymnastics that any guy should have to perform. We price everything in what we call "even out-the-door dollars." Leave your calculator home. Keep it simple and keep it honest! Oh yeah, and how about being able to get your burger from a pretty girl with a smile on her face who speaks English damn it! The simple pleasures of a bygone era are still alive and well at the Heart Attack Grill.”

What isn’t alive: political correctness and healthy menu choices!

Arizona is known as a state where retirees go to soak up the sun and relax. If too many seniors tackle Quadruple Bypass Burgers on a regular basis, you can bet there will be a housing glut soon.