If you take a look at my profile, you can see that I joined two years ago. After a few days I just completely quit this site and gave up. I think over the years I kind of gave up on myself too. In two years I gained 20 pounds! I've never been more overweight, more unhealthy, more unhappy, more self conscious. It's so tiring to feel this way every day and let it consume me.
I ask myself how I could let it get this bad. I'm afraid to go out with friends sometimes because I feel like every one is staring and mentally noting how fat I am. I've come to find that even walking a few blocks makes me start to sweat. How could I let it get this bad?
Even now as I return to this site and write this blog post, I feel like it's pointless. I feel like I'm going to lose some weight and just yo-yo back/gain even more weight. I've been yo-yoing for years... I remember I had a saying to myself: "twenty-one-twenty". What I meant by that was, by age twenty, I'd be at 120 pounds. Well gee, that didn't really work out. I don't know why I've come back to write this. Maybe I'm trying to scavenge a bit of hope and motivation to get me started on a new diet.
If you're reading this, and if you're comfortable, do share with me some of the hardships you've had. Because I'm feeling like I'm the only one who is so self conscious and the only one who is constantly thinking that everyone is staring. Maybe I am a weirdo!
Okay. Now that that's out on the table, I think I should let it go and start afresh. I want to go back to the days where I'm comfortable going out, comfortable wearing clothes I want to ... Continue
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