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Gonna be a long, windy road from here.
I mentioned in my last blog that my husband has been chasing me around like some lovesick puppy since I've hit 30lbs down.
I also mentioned that I'd spent most of the last week not tracking calories.
And as of this morning, I am back up to 193 *angry face*
How do all of these things connect?
Hear me out.
30lbs ago, my husband was still plenty grope-y and touchy-feely (I think touch is his love language?) ... but at worst, it was just sort of irritating. In the past 5lbs, I've been absolutely overwhelmed by him refusing to leave me alone.
If I'm standing at the sink, trying to tackle a mountain of dishes, he's behind me, groping, touching, trying to get kisses and hugs, and being otherwise so distracting that I cannot accomplish dishes.
If I walk by him, he puts an arm out in front of me to stop me, has his hands all over me, doesn't matter what I'm doing. He doesn't care if I'm carrying a hot pan or a full dog dish of water.
It sounds a bit whiney, but I just want him to leave me alone. I enjoy a BIT of attention, don't get me wrong, but I can't get ANYTHING done because he's literally following me around and getting in the way. I actually believe that he can't help himself... he likes what he sees, and to show appreciation, he overdoes it and in the end, I don't feel loved, I just feel annoyed and ready to scream at him. :S
Last night I told him that I was going to put all the weight back on just so that I could catch a break from his over-attention.
I realized this morning that I think I meant it. >_< I don't WANT to gain the weight back, but my behaviors are not mirroring that. I can't keep my eating under control. I've gained a couple of pounds back. Right now, I'm CRAVING a gigantic bucket of McDonald's french fries and then some ice cream, and then a chocolate bar. (And then broccoli, oddly enough?)
I need to figure out a way to work through this. I know I should be feeling glad that my husband is appreciating my sexier figure, but instead I am feeling resentful and I just want him to STOP TOUCHING ME.
So I'm calling this a plateau... a mental one. In order to have much further weight loss success, this is something I am going to have to work through. I don't know how to tackle it just yet. I need to remind myself that getting healthy is not about my husband (or how he reacts to me)... its about ME and MY HEALTH. I just need to figure out a way to communicate to him that I am over-touched as it is between the two kids, and now he's practically clinging to my leg the same way the 3 year old is!
So anyway. There's that. If anybody has any ideas on how to work through THAT sort of mental block, I'd love to hear of it! I'm hopeful that with just a bit of time for adjustment, I'll be able to bulldoze on ahead, but in the meantime... I don't want to gain ANY weight back! Its taken me a long time to get here, I don't want to take two steps back ... or worse, start back at square one.
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