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Being honest with myself

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I don't know if any of you remember back in January when I had an accident. Well, it was no accident. I had been hiding my husbands alcohol addition from everyone for over a year. Jan 28th we were at a friends house when he got so drunk he cornered a pregnant woman. That was the line for me. I got between them and my husband beat me senseless before pulling a knife on me and tried to stab me. My friends husband got him off me and was injured badly. My husband cut him several times and tried to stab him in the heart. Luckily for all of us he was too drunk to function well. He is now facing 2 felony counts of assault with a deadly weapon and a divorce. The last few months for me have been the worst of my life. The man that I loved and supported for 8 years of marriage almost took my life and the lives of others.
I'm not making excuses for him, yet in moments of sobriety over the last year he has been there for me and supported me in reaching my goal. Living with him and his secret for over a year has been tough. I have been given a second chance at life and am thankful for this. It has motivated me more than I could have ever imagined. As of today I am 4lbs below my original goal weight of 180 and I have set a new goal of 150. I hope to reach it just after my 34th birthday in August.
I am sorry for throwing my personal life out here. I have come to trust you all and had to get this off my chest.

@ 4:11pm ET on May 24, 2012 Oh my goodness. That's a heavy secret. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this right now, though it was very brave of you to put yourself in front of a pregnant woman to protect her!

I hope your husband is getting the helps he needs for his alcohol problem, and I'm sorry it cost him and you your marriage. That must be rough. *hugs*

Are you seeing a counselor or anything to help you through this? I can't even imagine how hard this would be to go through alone. :-/

*hug*
@ 4:44pm ET on May 24, 2012 This sounds like it was nightmarish for you Rina - I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of it. The end of your blog shows that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you - you've been able to use these tragic events to get yourself to a better place in life. Focus on your goals and your future, and use your friends' and family's support to help put this terrible situation behind you. You've got support here too!!!!!
@ 7:28pm ET on May 24, 2012 I lost all my help with counciling when he got kicked out of the army. I'm moving in a month to a location where I have friends. I don't have family to lean on anymore either. I only had his family and 97% of them blame me for not getting him help. He was doing well in recovery till a week ago when he called me so drunk I could smell it over the phone.
The tharopy I did get has helped me find myself and thought me that it was not my fault. I've channeled my anger and pain into workouts to let it go. I'm happy that I'm getting on with my life and am glad to be back.
@ 8:03pm ET on May 24, 2012 Hi Flutterbilady. Sorry to read about your previous problems and your ex-husband's new life. re: New Life behind bars... Do continue to keep your chin up and continue to find a new life. A much better life - that all great people deserve. And remember not to pump "too much" focus into dropping your body weight. The "good guys" (who are worth keeping in the long run) don't care about a person's body weight. They only see the person inside (what's under the hood) - not the body shape on the outside. These are the folks worth keeping in your life (your future new life with a trusted other). Hopefully, you'll find a trusted other person soon - who can help heal your current torn heart. Again. So sorry you and your protection friends (who dove in to control the destructive situation) had to endure this life changing event as well. An event that was NOT your fault.
@ 9:40pm ET on May 24, 2012 Thank you for trusting us enough to share your ordeal. A great burden has been lifted. The move will be good for you especially if you'll be closer to friends. Take care and keep us posted. =^.^=
@ 10:11am ET on May 30, 2012 Wow you have been through the mill! Very proud of you for making the decision to start a new life for yourself. Girl power. Dont look back. Well done for losing weight and keeping on losing weight. You are doing so amazing.
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